The Joys of Subterranean Living (Or: Why I’m Not Moving to an Underground City)
I just finished The Wandering Earth, and while the science is impressive, I have some concerns about the "underground city" lifestyle. As a man who already spends 90% of his time indoors avoiding people, you’d think I’d be a fan. I am not.
Here is why a 2,500-year cave stay sounds like my personal version of hell:
The "Simulated" Sun: They use giant lamps to simulate daylight. I can already hear the HOA complaints: "Excuse me, the 5,000-watt bulb outside my bunker is flickering at a frequency that irritates my cat." No thanks.
Recycled Everything: In an underground city, you aren't just drinking water; you’re drinking your neighbor’s tea from three days ago. I don't even like my neighbor’s opinions, let alone their filtered wastewater.
The Commute: Imagine your elevator breaking down when you live 5 kilometers below the crust. "Sorry I'm late for the apocalypse, I had to take the stairs."
No "Away": When you live in a sealed bunker, you can’t exactly "go for a walk" to clear your head. If you open the front door to get some fresh air, you instantly turn into a human popsicle.
The Noise: Imagine 50 million people living in a giant concrete box. The echoes of a single dropped spoon would probably trigger a planetary panic.
The Verdict: Moving the Earth is a bold move, but I’ll stay up here in the fresh air with my books for as long as the Sun allows. At least up here, when I tell people to "get off my lawn," they have a lawn to get off of.
Book Review Coming Soon
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